yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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