I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
