I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
