If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
