so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
