Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize