3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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