I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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