apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
worst night to have a conscience
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
