We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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