hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
