Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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