I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
