Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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