clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
