perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Still dying that you shit outside
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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