woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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