Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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