I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
