Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
