Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize