his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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