I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How naked do you want me to be?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
