Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
