then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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