YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
