Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
