I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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