if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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