eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
