she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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