He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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