fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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