i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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