my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
