If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
