i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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