Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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