He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
