my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
