Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
