Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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