if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
