peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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