$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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