I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize