the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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