I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
