I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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