i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize