If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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