omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
