At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
