Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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