it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
