I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
