Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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