By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
