I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
me + whiskey = a bad person
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
