Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
