Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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