I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think my vagina is haunted
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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