You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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