How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
