All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
