I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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