3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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